Katie aged 3 to 5

This should hopefully catch you up to where we are with Katie now.

Katie at 3 was very demanding and, as I was single, it was mainly me who took the brunt of it. I had a partner for a while but as he was younger than me and not ready for the commitment of kids. This was doomed to fail from the start. We tried, but eventually it fell apart. Katie didn’t help; she would demand 100% of my time and attention, often leaving anyone else pushed out to the side. This includes her long-suffering older sister Emma.

Potty training Katie was, what can I say, an experience. She would wet herself rather than use the potty and often would not even care. Eventually we got there when she was 3 and a half. Every ordinary day-to-day task was a battle. Katie go brush your teeth, 30 minutes later we might have managed it with a few temper tantrums. As for getting dressed especially the dreaded SOCKS. It was and still is a nightmare. SOCKS have become a sore point in our household – I will dedicate an entry to the joys of getting dressed.

In 2009 when Katie was 3. I managed to get a JOB. After been out of work since Emma was born, this was amazing. I didn’t realise how much this would turn my life around. This job meant I’d be working full-time and trying to raise my girls and still alone? Could I do it? I was pretty sure that with support from my family and friends I would get there. Yes it was going to be hard work I was ready for another challenge. Ready to become more than just Katie and Emma’s mummy (this is what everyone began calling me… it feels almost like you have lost your identity as a real person)

The JOB!

Well I was to become a Police Community Support Officer. This involved 7 weeks training 8 till 5 and then a 4 week shift pattern. In this shift pattern there were late shift and day shifts. Emma was at school and Katie still attended play school. It was just about manageable. My mother took on some childcare and Emma’s dad took on the other part. This put a big strain on them but I was very grateful. They always said they couldn’t do it forever but would help till Katie went to school. (How I would cope after then was any ones guess? I didn’t know, but knew I’d work it out.)

Working was amazing in a way it saved me from going insane. I had people who valued me for me and respected me. I was my own person again and a mum. Perfect. Everyone will say I talk too much at work, maybe they should try spending 24 hours a day alone talking to the kids. I love it but its nice to get adult conversation.

The first year I worked Katie continued with the tantrums and strops about random things. She still wouldn’t go to bed or do anything when she was asked or told. It became slightly easier as I wasn’t bombarded with it  24 hours a day.

Katie started school in 2010 aged 4. I was on tenterhooks…what would they think of Katie? She was so different from Emma who they knew well at school. They had met Katie at the school gates and noted how noisy she was and that she wasn’t like Emma. Little did they know.

THE FIRST MEETING

At our school before children start, the teachers come round to the house to meet you and your child. This was my chance to try to explain, I thought. There was a knock at the door in walked Katie’s two lovely teachers. House tidy, dogs locked away and Emma at school. Start trying to explain how Katie is without sounding like I am mad or complaining, or can’t cope. It goes something like this,

Katie is very much her own person and likes things her own way

Stutter stutter stutter and strange looks from her teachers. Then cue my amazing daughter. Katie had been sat on the sofa very nicely, but on realising these people had come to see her and never quite managing to understand what is socially acceptable, Katie decides on her favorite I-am-a-dog routine. This is a game she has always loved playing, in fact she used to love retrieving pencils and toys in her mouth, barking like a dog whilst very young.
Katie starts whining like a dog, it’s really quite distracting and very loud, then comes the panting and dog noises, no words because dogs don’t talk. I know whats next but it appears the teachers don’t. She starts walking on all fours jumping on the furniture and jumping up at the teachers and whining. I am still trying to explain about Katie, but in the end give up, because quite frankly the teachers can’t keep a straight face. I would have found it funny if it hadn’t been so important. They play dog games with Katie for a few minutes then leave us with some books and forms and look forward to seeing us at the start of term, good luck, I think.

Katie loves acting like an animal, she is quite impressive to the extent that she has insisted on crawling all the way around Sainsburys on a weekly shopping trip. Her other favorite is a cat. These games can go on for ages and of course these animals can’t do anything you ask because

1. They don’t have hands
2. They can’t talk.

In fact we have to avoid mentioning animals because that will start the acting like one game. For example Katie stop being such a monkey – half an hour of her monkey impressions.

Katie starts school!

First day at school, well she went in they said she was VERY loud but it was all well. First week she is still loud and has temper tantrums and screams a lot but nothing to worry about! Oh?
First half term Katie plays up a bit and is an individual but nothing that they don’t see as normal. I decide to take a big step I print of the information from the PDA website and take it to school to show them. I highlight all the relevent bits I feel apply to Katie, which is most of it. They don’t say anything for a week! Then I meet with her teacher. They say yes they can match the same amount of things I do and they see her as very similar, but because she isn’t disruptive in class and they can handle everything she does they can do nothing to help and won’t be making any referrals.
GREAT! Thanks a lot! Do they not listen when I tell them she is 10 times worse at home, that I struggle daily with battles about SOCKS among many other things. Then the thought sinks in, perhaps its me, perhaps I am a bad mum, perhaps I can’t cope or I make her the way I do? Am I weak, a bad parent? I don’t know sometimes maybe it is me? Most times I manage to dig my way back up when people say there is nothing wrong with Katie, I look at Emma who is 7, she copes…she does as she is told other than the normal strops.

Katie has been progressively getting worse at school. I am lucky that she has only recently began to start hitting and is generally very loving and doesn’t mean to upset people. She doesn’t seem to be able to help it. Her class is small and the only bad words she uses are “willies, nuts and balls”. She genuinely doesn’t get she doesn’t have them. In fact some of my most amusing times with her are at the park when she is running around screaming “ARGH RIGHT IN THE NUTS, OR MY WILLY, or slightly better RIGHT IN THE ROUND TABLE.” You can see other people thinking “what the hell”. I have tried to explain to Katie the difference between boys and girls, she doesn’t get it. Play school tried too, Katie this is a boy plastic doll and this is a girl. Later that day, as it was close to Christmas, they were talking about what they wanted. Katie pipes up and says “I WANT A WILLY FOR CHRISTMAS”. Bless her.

My partner, Steve, and I met, almost 18 months ago, we now live together as we have done for the past year. Its been a journey is all I can say. With trying to blend our 2 family’s together, you try getting all of them to get on. He has also had to get round the way Katie is. I am sure he will write his own post. Its been up and down we have made it this far, his support is amazing and his understanding of Katie is getting better. He has had some amazing times and adventures with her to put it lightly. He has coped with her throwing herself to the floors of shops and screaming the place down, her deliberately wetting/pooing herself, her constant graffiti of our home among many other things and continuous to love her as much as I do. I can quite happily say he has been one of the many good things to come into my life and we continue to learn together.

Well we are almost there and hopefully mine and Steve’s posts will be a little shorter from now on. Katie has completed her first school year, her report was amusing to say the least. Her teachers see a lot of her potential but say its difficult to get her to reach it, or I suspect sit down and do what she is asked. Year R is complete, next hurdle Year 1 from September. I have wished her teacher good luck.  We are battling though the summer holidays the best we can (more to follow on that)

Work tonight and hopefully I finish at Midnight if I am lucky. Unfortunately this leaves my partner to cope with Katie, Emma and the 2 boys. He also has to take Emma to street dance (bless him) He will do all this after working a night shift and finishing at 7 am this morning. Better go wake him up. I wish him luck.

Jess x